courage prevaileth

poor dash has been tortured twice in the past 2 months with some very unpleasant dentist visits. we didn't know he had bad cavities until it was too late to be pleasant about it. after a huge ordeal through july with our old insurance company and a dentist that completely freaked him out, we were able to make some progress. new insurance, new dentist, and a much calmer dash. he needed 2 root canals in baby teeth, 2 crowns, and 3 fillings. pain was very inconsistent so we just figured he was making it up. we have since learned that's just the way it is with kids and teeth. always check it out whenever they say there is pain, even if it doesn't come back. last month he went in to have the right side fixed. he made it through and came home to tell everyone he had all his dental work done and didn't even have a shot or a drill! (of course, we just smiled and nodded) today we went back for the left side. unfortunately it was more infected than the dentist realized. he had to dig deep into the root and hit some nerve tissue. poor kid was uncomfortable and in pain. but he made it through again! he was definitely much braver than his mother would've been! and she didn't even get any pictures. so here's one after his lunch full of soft food, which he's required to eat until his mouth isn't numb anymore.

such BRAVERY!! we're so proud of you dash!

in denial

first of all, those owls were driving me berzerk! i couldn't even make myself last a full month looking at them! and i'm sure this muted tropical background will be on my nerves soon enough. i mean, what happened to the lovely bright colors of summer? did we leave those behind in the 90s? i want something reminiscent of popsicles, swimming, and tropical fish. i want to smell the sunscreen and salt in the air.

on that note, i'm not ready for fall. not ready, not ready, not ready i tell you! can you hear me stomping my feet and throwing a tantrum? it seems i'm NEVER ready. every year i wish fall wouldn't come so soon. i don't want to think of halloween costumes and thanksgiving dinner menus. and i for sure don't want to think of christmas gift lists! what's the trick to welcoming fall and the holidays? is it a preparedness issue? should i start planning the new school year in january so that i can plan halloween in june and christmas in september? is it a money issue? would i be happier if i could buy all the placemats and mantle decorations i wanted? i'm just not sure. i don't want to dread it every year. i hate all the cutesy decorations and that i'm not creative enough to come up with ones that fit my style. i hate that no adult likes wearing a costume, and therefore i can't have a HUGE halloween bash like i've always wanted. i hate that christmas has to be about gifts and toys instead of spending time together. i hate that it seems holidays can't be enjoyed unless everyone is constantly eating candy.

besides. i live in SD where summer hasn't ended yet. or has it? the weather is still the same, so i can't really tell. and i'm glad. i'm crossing my fingers it never changes so i can pretend that it's summer always.

a voice echoed

" All you need to know
is here within your reach.
With all your heart, trust in Him
and ask Him reverently. "

i have been listening to music from an old friend that i received several months ago. over the past week or so, her voice singing these words has been echoing in my head. 3 days ago i got to see her for the first time in 17 years. it was a wonderful reunion. thank you dawn, for reminding me of what i had forgotten.

and the winner is...

click here for more details

skin, bones, and much more

about a month ago we found out that BODYWORLDS was in town. (not to be confused with 'bodies: the exhibition' which is the knock-off and not the original). i was excited to find some discount coupons and had planned to go towards the end of september. it would be leaving SD in october. then, to our surprise, we got an invitation from scripps to attend an annual dinner at the museum of natural history and the exhibit was included!! i was so excited! the dinner was pretty lame, and we knew no one there. but a photography exhibit was going on at the museum that weekend. bonus! and the bodies were amazing! it's been years since i took anatomy in college, but i have always been fascinated by it. so much work went into preserving the bodies and prepping them for display. if the exhibit ever comes to your town, i highly recommend you go see it! (don't take kids - it's a little graphic). you can read all about the process and the history of it on the website. sorry there are no photos. photography wasn't allowed inside the exhibit, but i'm sure you can find muchas pics on the website.

matter of perspective

i'm sure you've all seen the link to stephanie nielson's blog in my sidebar. and anyone who knows me even a little bit knows i'm a 'half-empty' kind of girl. i'm not quite sure what it is about reading the story of someone else's tragedy that is satisfying. why are we interested in someone else's pain? i guess in this particular instance, curiosity gets the best of me and i'm always wanting to know how she's dealing with it. mainly because i know for sure it will be opposite of what i would do. and she's so willing to share.

we can always find someone who has it worse than us, can't we? sure it's easy to say the words. but it's tougher to actually admit it, get over ourselves, and quit whining about our own lives. but leave it to me to take someone else's positive and turn it to negativity within. when i look at her i just wonder why on earth she fought all those months. i would never be grateful for life. i would constantly wish i would've died in the crash. i can't even imagine the pain of looking in the mirror every day. and i wonder if her pain is any less because of her positive attitude. is she blessed with a better perspective because she fights to keep her chin up? it reminds me of my crazy sister who seems so different from me that i often wonder how we're even related. suicide would've been my first thought if i lost my husband. never mind thoughts of taking care of 2 small boys or going back to school in hopes of finding a job. i would find a small shack in a tropical place where no one knew me and who knows if i'd be even capable of looking at my kids every day. sleeping and eating would also be questionable.

do i read in hopes of gaining some inspiration that will change my perspective? sometimes that is hard to change unless a life experience provides true insight. i say i'm glad that i'm not her and don't have to feel her pain. but am i truly grateful for what i've been given? i'm thinking not, otherwise i wouldn't be complaining so often. obviously my perspective still needs some work.

a much needed deadline

where would we be without deadlines? so glad we have one at the end of the month. i'm definitely looking forward to putting an end to this job search. phone calls, voicemail, email...from too many recruiters to count. our temporary stay in SD doesn't really sadden us anymore. we knew we would fall in love with it and we have. but we know that it just wouldn't suit us from a long-term career perspective.

we received an almost unbeatable offer at the beginning of august. we had taken a trip and spent great time with all the docs in the practice and were treated like royalty for 2 days. but it has just been bad timing with the fellowship beginning. they asked for a decision by sept 1 and we just couldn't do it. we were still hesitant about the location. and even though the offer itself was fabulous, we had nothing to compare it to. we hadn't had time to see anything else and really had a fear of signing with that lack of experience. we asked for a 1-month extension and it was given. now we've frantically tried to set other visits up this month to make some basis of comparison. in the meantime they are interviewing other candidates. will the offer even be available if we go back to them and want to accept? who knows. it was a risk we felt we had to take.

well, when it rains, it pours. seemed like the recruiters weren't bringing me anything to speak of for the past 6 weeks. now all of the sudden we have 3 opportunities that sound good. we now have 2 other trips scheduled and my head is spinning. thank goodness for a life-saving friend that will keep my kids for almost 2 weeks while we travel around and figure things out.

in addition to booking a million flights and other travel arrangements, we are hurriedly trying to throw info together for our lenders so the house in jersey can finally be closed on!!! of all the months for an offer to finally come through, this would not have been the one i would've picked. but i guess we'll roll with it. and on top of that, the kids started their charter school classes this month and toby is having his dental work done. it's been a challenge to try and get back into a schedule with all this new stuff happening. but we seem much happier when we're running around like maniacs.

definitely ready to finalize contracts and start planning ahead. no i'm not ready to go public with the locations we're investigating. sorry. don't worry though. it will all be revealed soon enough.

HS: the charter school version

well we have discovered that the homeschooling realm is a bit different here in california. in jersey you're left completely alone to make your own decisions about what your kids need and how they will get it. the law requires the state to stay out of your way and they would have to provide proof if they were going to claim you were being negligent. california provides options. one option is going it alone. another is working with the public school and all their curriculum, but just not on their campus. the third is a mix. it goes by the name of charter school. not all charter schools are created equal. they all have their own rules and regulations and they all have different curriculum. most require attendance to classes a couple days a week, and then you fill in the rest at home. some provide enrichment, some only core subjects. but they all have something in common, and that is the cost. FREE. yes FREE! i was shocked when i called and asked what the fees were to enroll, and she said there were none! i couldn't believe it. really?? they're going to teach my children and not charge me anything? i didn't want to enroll them in core subjects. i want to keep consistency and continue with the books i've chosen and the system they're used to. but i wanted to find a place they could get some extracurricular things that i just don't take the time to provide. and wait! it gets better! (how could it get any better than free?) they pay up to $400 per school year PER CHILD for curriculum of my choosing!! WOW! not only are they going to educate my child for free, but now they're going to pay for my books on top of it?!? the shock is growing!

here's the catch. of course you already knew there was a catch, right? well, we all had to sign a paper (contract) saying that we understand what homeschooling is and that we commit to doing our work. every 5 weeks we have to meet with an 'educational specialist' and show the work we've done and give some of it to her so she can keep it on file if the state ever asks for it. technically they are considered a public school, therefore we don't have to pay any sort of tuition. which is also the reason we get credit towards curriculum. sure they keep it at the end of the year, but who cares at this point.

so the kids are thus far enrolled in PE, computers, geography, and art. next month is when all the fun stuff begins. luigi will be taking fencing and a couple other things. there are choices from gardening to interior decorating, karate to videography, leadership to chess club. the kids are so excited they can hardly contain themselves. in jersey there wasn't even such a thing as a rec center. but even through a rec center here, the classes would cost at least $50 a kid. i would never be able to expose them to these kinds of subjects on my own.

when i left jersey i was so very sad to be leaving behind the homeschool co-op that we had fallen in love with. it was a place where religion was NOT a taboo subject and where kids of all ages befriended each other. it was run very efficiently by all of the moms involved and we always felt so welcome. we were so disappointed to not be able to find anything similar when we researched resources in california. but now that we have discovered the charter school, we are so very excited to utilize all the new types of resources in store for us!