just how the cards fell

i've always sort of been a loner. i'm the type who will have a lot of acquaintances and know things about a lot of people. i seem to remember small details and keep track of who's doing what. but i've never been the kind to have the same group of friends since the age of 5 'til death do us part, while traveling the world together. it always seemed like a great idea, but it just wasn't meant to be i guess. i don't really fit with most people. i never figured i would like being married either. i just figured it was the thing to do. plus, i think people mislead themselves into believing that what someone else has is what will make them happy, even if they don't truly want it. and i was no different. then after i started dating, i figured i would never find someone i could stand to be around for any length of time, let alone live with. well, by some odd shift of the cosmos, i met the love of my life before i was even 21. i was definitely disappointed he crossed my path so soon, but what could i do? we like the same foods, we agree on how to spend money, we love the same climate and similar adventures, and best of all we have the same life goals and philosophies. sure there are differences. our personalities are very different. but i knew how much of a miracle it was to be able to find someone that actually 'fit' with me. and i've been reminded of it countless times in the past 15 years. for me, to have someone actually 'get me' when i speak is a rarity to say the least.

i do get lonely when he's away and feel very alone when there's no time for us to talk. i don't get too involved in conversations on beach day or at playgroups. i sometimes wish i had pictures in my scrapbook of me and my 3 other life-long friends on our trip to italy or mexico. i wish sometimes i could say that the girls i grew up with were the same that flew in for my wedding and that also flew in for the birth of all 4 of my children. this goes back to the line of thinking that if someone else has something that makes them happy, then you are therefore missing out on something if you don't have the same. at any rate... even though i sometimes wish for what i think might be missing i am glad that i have someone that i 'fit' with. if i had to choose between life-long travel buddies or having a spouse that really understands me, i definitely go for the latter.

i don't do big posts for birthdays or holidays or whatever. not much into tradition. about a month ago we had our 14 year anniversary. it's been an adventurous 14 years. i'm glad the doc found me.