matter of perspective

i'm sure you've all seen the link to stephanie nielson's blog in my sidebar. and anyone who knows me even a little bit knows i'm a 'half-empty' kind of girl. i'm not quite sure what it is about reading the story of someone else's tragedy that is satisfying. why are we interested in someone else's pain? i guess in this particular instance, curiosity gets the best of me and i'm always wanting to know how she's dealing with it. mainly because i know for sure it will be opposite of what i would do. and she's so willing to share.

we can always find someone who has it worse than us, can't we? sure it's easy to say the words. but it's tougher to actually admit it, get over ourselves, and quit whining about our own lives. but leave it to me to take someone else's positive and turn it to negativity within. when i look at her i just wonder why on earth she fought all those months. i would never be grateful for life. i would constantly wish i would've died in the crash. i can't even imagine the pain of looking in the mirror every day. and i wonder if her pain is any less because of her positive attitude. is she blessed with a better perspective because she fights to keep her chin up? it reminds me of my crazy sister who seems so different from me that i often wonder how we're even related. suicide would've been my first thought if i lost my husband. never mind thoughts of taking care of 2 small boys or going back to school in hopes of finding a job. i would find a small shack in a tropical place where no one knew me and who knows if i'd be even capable of looking at my kids every day. sleeping and eating would also be questionable.

do i read in hopes of gaining some inspiration that will change my perspective? sometimes that is hard to change unless a life experience provides true insight. i say i'm glad that i'm not her and don't have to feel her pain. but am i truly grateful for what i've been given? i'm thinking not, otherwise i wouldn't be complaining so often. obviously my perspective still needs some work.