zero visibility

there's a fog covering my brain and i can't seem to lift it. why is it that i have no job and no schedule and mondays still just shut me down? it's the concept of a monday that society has built up i guess. mondays are when you start fresh and get everything done. mondays are when you recover from the slack of the weekend. mondays are when you set goals and start the race. mondays are when you have all the energy because you rested all weekend. i don't think mondays have ever been any of those things for me. mondays are when all the things i've ignored for 2 days come crashing down on me. mondays are when i can't remember what's on my to-do list even though i wrote it down the night before. mondays are when i just can't seem to get dressed and out of the house (okay - i hear laughter from some of you. yes i realize that part isn't much different from the rest of the week).

i am bugged by all the recipes i have in my repertoire, and therefore have not been cooking much. i know that i'm being prompted to make a change in our eating habits once again and i've been dragging my feet. i need to get on the stick and dredge up some new recipes so we can push forward with this change. it's still hard to accommodate the last change when we leave the walls of our home. i know this next one will be even worse and i'm not looking forward to it. yet progress must be. we can't stay where we are.

i am overwhelmed with the thoughts of getting the kids 'back to school'. several subjects x 3 kids, and i've only planned the first 6 weeks of 1. most of luigi's year will be different from the last as he needs to separate from the group and start picking up harder work. i'm not ready for the fight. but am i ever? i know i feel better when i sit and plan everything out, but why does the sense of accomplishment have to come only after all the torture?

for some reason doctor and dentist appointments are abound. and all at the time that we can't prove we have insurance. numerous phone calls to different places and it's getting to be tiresome and monotonous. why do you have your employees start a job and not set them up with their benefits? and couldn't the bodies and teeth wait to get sick until after the insurance is all settled and processed? i mean really.

someone please tell me that the arrival of tuesday will provide a better view.